Compassion is a feeling or a
creation in which you decide to acknowledge that another person is experiencing
something that you have experienced in the past. So, for example, with any of
the four things that was lost: the house key, the pet, the car or the beloved,
each of you has lost something like that. Each of you has had a different
experience or is having a different experience regarding the same object. In any case, whether it is the love of or the
possession of something, there is a feeling of belonging, a feeling of
ownership, a feeling of having, being, and doing, in relationship to that thing.
So feeling compassion for the other person is now a solution. It is the way of
being there for them. It is the way to be in the space with that person. You
can say: Just like me, this person is experiencing loss. Just like me, this
person is experiencing sadness. Just like me, this person is experiencing
anxiety, or stress, or tension, or any other emotion that you notice they are
going through, because they have lost something.
By saying to yourself: ‘Just like
me,’ it reminds you that you have been in that space in your past. It is not
that you are feeling their pain, because you do not need to go there. But it
reminds you that you also have been in that space. It lets you allow them to
occupy their space with you knowing a feeling of what that feels like. You
cannot possibly know what they are feeling unless you are using your
extrasensory powers and can actually feel them, but you do know what you felt like
in a similar situation.
Whether your feelings are exactly
what they are feeling or whether your feelings know what you experienced, it
does not matter. You are being or deciding to be in this space of sharing their
grief, not that you are feeling it. It is acknowledging that each of you have
experienced loss. You understand losing. You understand it is a process. You
understand there is movement from the loss into recovery. Each person goes at
their own pace through this process. Each person has their own belief
structures and moves through them accordingly.
Sometimes people get stuck on one
of the steps of recovery and they stay there for a very long time, perhaps the
rest of their life. That is their choice, but through compassion, you can know
that you at least have some idea of what it is to lose. Whether it is the house
key or the beloved or something in between, you know what it feels like to
experience loss.
You also know what it feels like
when you decide to let go of losing and you decide to move to a different
level. You decide it is another day. You decide that it is okay to laugh and
perhaps you even decide to celebrate the life of that person lived. Or you
decide to celebrate that you now have a new key. You can move into this
celebration mode at any time. You may choose to vacillate between celebration
and loss or grief. In any case, it is all your decision. It is your choice. You
do not have to choose to change at all. You simply can just be.
For the person who is choosing to
be with the person who is grieving, all you need to do is to remember: Just
like me, this person is experiencing loss. That alone will put you in a space
where you can listen to them going through their process, without joining in
their feelings or judging. Just like me, this person has experienced loss. Just
like me, this person has also experienced joy and loving and liking and
sadness. Just like me, this person has experienced boredom. Just like me, this
person has experienced feeling like their heart is broken. Just like me, this
person has experienced everything and anything that I have experienced at some
point in time. Each of us is experiencing. Each of us will experience more, and
we can experience together and I choose to do that.
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